IVF thoughts

I am just thinking...if we end up needing to have IVF what will that cost us? I THINK we have coverage on 3 cycles (in a lifetime) but the average cost is $25,000 each. I am not sure how much we will need up front plus the meds. If we don't succeed with IUI this cycle Kevin and I want to try one more before moving on. But the reality is we do not have extra money in the bank. We literally live paycheck to paycheck and cant afford getting a loan to invest in something we aren't sure will even work! We don't want to ask friends for money because everyone I know live on a budget. IVF is our last chance at conceiving  we deff dont have the money to adopt or pay someone to carry a baby for us. I am trying not to stress but I cant help it. I am actually having a panic attack. Each failed treatment cycle crushes my spirt and the hope in my heart fades. I don't know what to do or where to start. We don't have the time to wait the clock is ticking each month that passes. At each oncologist check up I am grateful I am still cancer free. but we  dont really know that for sure its only an educated guess. The only way they will know before cancer invades my body is to get a hysterctomy and test the layers of my uterus that aren't easy access. Sorry this post is a little all over the place. These are the thoughts that are invading my mind. These are my worries and fears. I am afraid thay we will never have a child together...we will forever be alone. Time for bed and to cry myself to sleep. I can only hope tomorrow is better.

Round 2 IUI

Well, just finished our second IUI and The sperm count was down by about 5 million. This time around his count was only about 3 million. Still a good number though don't get me wrong. While we were there a lady thats 8 months pregnant brought over cookies to the office as a thank you. When the doctor came in he told me he just touched a pregnant belly and reached over to touch mine saying he was passing on the good luck. It was very sweet of him to say that to me. He did say that if this doesn't work we will then talk about our "options" I think he was referring to IVF. We aren't sure we can afford IVF but IVF has much higher success rates. We shall see... Pregnancy test in two weeks! Merry Christmas! 

Round 2 follicle check

Today I have my scan that resulted in one mature follicle at 18 mm. my last cycle only had one follicle at 21 mm. And as we all know that was a fail so I'm not very optimistic about this round. I was really hoping for at least 2 follicles to give me a little bit of a better chance conceiving. with that being said I have an IUI this week and we shall see right after Christmas whether or not it was a success .