Thursday, December 18, 2014

Taking a "break"

Hi Friends,

I haven't written in a while. I just wanted to update everyone.
1. I am not pregnant
2. Nothing new has happened at all

I have the last couple of months decided to take a break. Tracking, taking pills and timing everything is a lot on my mind and sanity so I have decided to take a official "break" from TTC. I have ordered "The 21 day fix" and should get it today. My goal: take the next 5 months to try and shed about 40-50 pds and hopefully the doctors are right and that will help jump start things. I think I will need intensive fertility treatments and know doctors will laugh me out of the office if I am overweight like I am. Plus, even if I were to get prego I wouldn't want the baby to be hurt by my health. Remember, I am a diabetic whose sugars are out of control. I plan to get my A1C down within the next 3-6 months and hopefully by 2016 either be prego or ready to start treatments!

Stay tuned this is still "project baby Pickett" it's just taking a different turn.

Happy Holidays and here is to 2015!

Friday, August 1, 2014

ROUND 4

 Today starts a all new round!
 Yesterday: I called my doctor but she is on vacation... so, the other doctor (who I have never seen) made the decision that since I am not getting any positive at home pregnancy tests I can start a whole new round of Provera and Clomid.
 So today starts a new round and today is a new day! Trying to keep my head up!!



Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Cycle Day 40 and 19 Days Past Ovulation

Hello Friends,
 Today is Cycle Day 40 and 19 Days Past a positive ovulation test. I have lost hope for this month! I feel defeated, upset and stressed out. I am trying to keep my emotions under wraps and not to let it get me down... but sometimes its hard to always be so positive when news is always so negative. I don't think I ovulated this month. I did get a positive test but I think its because the hormone was high enough to ovulate but then my body didn't do it. That's my guess anyway. I took a pregnancy test yesterday around noon and it was a negative one (again). I am on day 19 and still no period. The doctor wants me to wait until day 21 before taking a blood pregnancy test. Is it possible to still be getting negative pregnancy tests at day 19 and be pregnant? Doubtful. Possible but I am doubtful that is my case this month. I really want to just take the test, get the negative result I am expecting and move on to a new month! Head up Jessica Head up!

Thanks for listening,
Jessica

Monday, July 28, 2014

18 days past ovulation and my cycle hasn't start yet

I called my doctor today and of course... she is on vacation. The nurse said she would talk to the other doctor in her practice and see what he suggests (I have never seen this doctor before fyi). He suggests that I wait until day 21 and give them a call. I haven't taken a home test since day 14. Could be two things at this point. 1. I didn't actually ovulate 2. I am pregnant 3. My cycle is just late. I am hoping for the second option as you can probably guess. This wait is a killer! Keep your fingers crossed!


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

I have a feeling... 13 DPO

Hello Friends,
Today is 13 DPO and I am not sure what my fate is at this point. I have tested everyday since 9DPO. On 11 DPO I received a very faint line on a Walmart Brand test. But that night and the following morning were all negative (on a different brand of test I bought from Amazon). Two things could have happened.
1. The line I saw on the Walmart test could have been a evaporation line. Meaning it could have been a false positive.
2. The cheap Amazon tests may not be strong enough to detect a small amount of hormone in my body (it takes time to build up the pregnancy hormone).

As you may know with PCOS I don't have normal cycles. As a matter of fact I don't have any at all without having them induced. Last month was the first time I got my period on my own without the help of provera. That could mean, that I ovulated. It could mean I didn't. Who knows! Therefore pinpointing the start date of my next cycle isn't possible. I read that I should start my cycle 16 days past ovulation. Three more days until that point.

I think... I am going to call my doctor... but I have a feeling this is going to be another failed cycle.  I am beyond frustrated and want an answer ASAP!

Saturday, July 19, 2014

feelings entry

feeling pretty down today...still no period...but feeling like my big fat positive pregnancy test wont show up this month. i have been having dreams of having our sweet child here with us and it filled my heart with joy but it isnt true when i wake up the next morning and it makes me sad. i really am trying to keep my spirits up and be positive

Friday, July 18, 2014

CD 28 8dpo

So far, no bleeding. Keep your fingers crossed  we made it this month!!! I do have to admit I have had some AF symptoms. Lower back pain, cramps, and bloating. Will keep you updated

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Expecting my period tomorrow

This week has been hard. I don't know if I am pregnant or not and the dreaded wait has made me sick with anticipation. My body says I am pregnant but I am not sure if its all in my head. I started to feel cramps about 3 dpo and heard that it could be the hormone change and the start of implantation and I started to feel physically sick yesterday 6 dpo   which I also read is possible but not likely. therefore, in my mind I am thinking... I am just hopeful and it's giving me false signs.


Today is 7/17/14 AKA CD 27 and AKA 7 days past ovulation (DPO) and today I have been feeling to signs of my menstrual cycle.  I took a test yesterday because I talked myself into it knowing it would come up negative whether or not I was prego. 7dpo is too soon to test. But I did it anyway. And yes, it came back negative. So I don't plan on taking another test until  12dpo (maybe 10dpo). I don't want to be one of those girls who takes pregnancy tests every morning and whose heart gets crushed each time it comes back negative (even if its too soon to test it still hurts to see a negative result).

So, tomorrow is CD 28 which normally with my provera pill I have a normal 28 day cycle. I am not looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning and seeing that dreaded aunt flow! Fingers crossed, I miss this cycle and on 12dpo 7/22/14 a pregnancy test comes back positive!

I will update you tomorrow!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

7/10/14 Cycle day 21 Ovulation BFP


BIG FAT POSITIVE! For ovulation that is. But I am super excited. I am hoping our timing is correct and this is the month we succeed! I have been having ovulation pains and according to the test instructions I should ovulate within 12-24 hrs or so. Keep your fingers and toes crossed that we are in this month for good news! Hope is in the air!

                                   Below are the tests I took for 7/8/14, 7/9 and 7/10/14.
An ovulation test is positive if the test line is as dark as the control line. As you can see the two days prior to today were close but not there... yet. Todays test is obviously a positive!

Monday, June 23, 2014

baby dreams, baby posts and pictures all over the place!

Babies, babies everywhere!
 That's what I am dealing with lately. Although I try to keep my mind off babies to help me stay focused and not heart broken... it's hard.
 At night I have dreams of positive pregnancy tests, giving birth and naming babies. I wake up with a smile on my face and then after realizing it was a dream the feeling of disappointment rushes over my entire body. I get up every morning and try to take on the day as positive as possible. I try to shrug off the sick feeling in my stomach and attempt to be happy and full of energy!
 Then I log on to facebook and see a ton of baby showers, baby announcements, birth pictures and teary eyed new parents. Don't get me wrong I am not a sour person... I don't wish any bad on anyone for being pregnant and having babies naturally.. I love seeing pictures of people and their children. I am happy for everyone! I want to hold them, spoil them and celebrate with them! It just makes me sit back, realize what I don't have and what I wish for everyday... it makes me second guess who I am and why I have to be denied the one thing I have always wanted... to be a mother. I want to have a complete family... create one I never had. I love my husband and my step daughter with all my heart but I have a void in my heart that isn't being filled and its hard on me sometimes. Sometimes as hard as I try to stay strong and positive I have a bad day... a weak moment.
 I just need to get myself out of this... realize how lucky I am to have what I do... I need to take the progress I have and look forward to next month and what it has in store for me! Audios friends, and thanks for listening!

Sunday, June 22, 2014

First positive OPK and first period on my own!

Hey! I haven't written anything because nothing has really happened. The first cycle of clomid 50 mg was a fail so on the second... my hopes weren't high. I was really holding out for clomid cycle 3 because my doc is upping the dose to 100mg. But around June 4th I started feeling cramps around my ovaries and I took an OPK. It was the darkest I had ever seen!! I was excited but wasn't too hopeful. I took another one the next day and it was dark but not as dark. So, I just forgot about it. But yesterday June 21st I got my period on my own! The first time in over 10 years! I usually have to induce my period with birth control or provera. What does it mean? I am hoping it means I ovulated on my own and my OPK was indeed a positive. It has been 16 days since that positive OPK and according to what I've read it takes 16 days to either find out I am pregnant or start my period. I am very hopeful next month we will have some more progress! I am not sad we aren't pregnant yet. I am happy my body did what it was suppose to for once! See ya next time!


-Jess

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

CD- 29

5/6/14
Doctor B told me that if by CD 28 I haven't started my period to take a pregnancy test. If that test is negative I need to start Provera again for 5 days. So here I am on CD 29 and I will start provera. It saddens me that cycle 1 of Clomid (50mg) failed but I am hopeful for the next 5 cycles! I am calling Doctor B tomorrow to see if they will raise my prescription to 100 mg instead of another cycle of 50. I think that would just be another wasted cycle! Trying to stay positive.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

First Clomid Round days 5-9

 Well, I only have one more Clomid pill to take and my first round will be completed! So far, I don't have any side effects. People told me I might feel dizzy, have mood swings and other issues but so far I haven't experienced anything! I am a tad bit uncomfortable around my ovaries but I am hoping that's my body doing what it's suppose to. It isn't out of the ordinary to have pains and cramps anyway so it isn't anything I can't handle.
 I am proud of myself! I haven't been reading into things like I usually do. I have been trying to keep my mind off TTC and just take my meds, keep track of the days and try to relax. I am trying to keep my anxiety down and my mind focused. I don't want to get my hopes up on this round but I am trying to stay positive! I know many ladies I talk to didn't have any success with Clomid but I know many who have! I truly believe it will happen and it's hard to think it might be 6 months until it does but I have waited to long surly I can wait a little longer! One more pill to go and hope I get that positive on OPKs!

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Before first Clomid round

4/9/14 Yesterday evening I finally started AF! Therefore it was counted as Cycle Day (CD) 1! I am so excited. Two days down (counting today) and 3 more to go! I start Clomid Saturday! Hope is in the air. Although I am doubtful we will conceive on round one (I believe they will have to up the dose)... I am trying to stay positive that I will respond to Clomid.

4/8/14 Today was the day I was hoping for my menstrual cycle to start. Unfortunately other then a little cramping and discomfort there aren't any signs of her yet! Fingers crossed it will happen soon so I can take my first round of Clomid!



3/31/14 Today I called Doctor B. I wanted to know if she intended to have me come in for blood draw to find out if I ovualted on Clomid. The nurse that called me back told me no and that if she wanted me to go that route she would have scheduled something so I told the nurse "ok well i guess we will wing it" and she laughed it off and gave her best regards. If round 1 doesn't work I plan on meeting with my doc round 2 and asking if she will schedule me to go in for a blood draw. Would be nice to know if I am ovulating at all on Clomid.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Background

 Thank you for visiting my blog. Firstly, I would like to tell you more about myself.
My name is Jessica and I have had PCOS since I was 14 yrs old. With PCOS comes hair in all the wrong places, self esteem issues, lack of minstrel cycle, and insulin resistance. I have been visiting a OBGYN since the time I was diagnosed and started taking birth control as a young teen to try and regulate my hormones. Unfortunately I was very young, and in denial. At first I was living with my father and step mom. I would lie about having a monthly period to throw the attention off me and to try and defuse the situation. My dad didn't like the idea of me seeing a OBGYN and being on birth control at such a young age. Therefore, I pretended nothing was wrong and went on with my life.
 When I turned 16 I was moved in with my grandparents and would go to the doc off and on. My period was none-existent so I started on birth control again. I took it for awhile and decided to stop because I felt out of place and different. I was going through a lot of normal teenage issues and some brought on by my PCOS. Some of my fellow classmate made fun of me for some faint hair on my face and my weight. I tried to fit into a small town where everyone knew each other and grew up together. I was from the start an outsider and being overweight never helped.
 After high school I moved for college. During that time I lived on my own and went to school full time. I saw a OBGYN there and had a cancer scare. I was to follow up every 3 months to watch and make sure cells in my uterus weren't changing. I was going on years without a cycle other than a few that were brought on by birth control. After the scare I stopped going to the doc and pretended nothing was wrong. I had come to terms with the fact i would never be normal, never be a mother, and might always be alone and depressed. I was diagnosed with diabetes in 2009 and started taking oral meds. But as you could probably guess with my history I took my meds off and on. I didn't change my diet and my diabetes got out of control.
 After college (2010) I moved back to Illinois and started taking classes at another college to transfer to a 4 yr school. I applied for a family services position at the local pre-school and got the job! Soon after that I met Kevin and we got married in 2012. Thats when things changed.
 I have always wanted a family. A husband and children. A career I love and helping people. All of sudden things started working for me. Thats when I started wanting to learn how to take charge of my diabetes and PCOS!
 In 2013 my new OB-GYN (who I love more than anything for listening, trusting, and giving me choice). Found polyps in my uterus. I went under surgery to get them out and found out my chance for cancer is higher then it should be but that she encourages me to have children while I am young before things change and it is no longer a choice. After that, my husband went in to make sure his semen count is up and I went  for a HSG (to see if my tubes are clear).and found out everything is ok.
 As of 3/26/14 my doc has put me on Clomid (for 6 months) and we are officially trying to conceive. If we don't succeed we will be referred to a fertility specialist for a 2nd opinion. I made this blog today 3/27/14 to document the journey and to later show our children how much we  hoped and tried for them!
 Please stay tuned, share you story with me and I hope we succeed so we can be role models for other families struggling with infertility.