baby dreams, baby posts and pictures all over the place!

Babies, babies everywhere!
 That's what I am dealing with lately. Although I try to keep my mind off babies to help me stay focused and not heart broken... it's hard.
 At night I have dreams of positive pregnancy tests, giving birth and naming babies. I wake up with a smile on my face and then after realizing it was a dream the feeling of disappointment rushes over my entire body. I get up every morning and try to take on the day as positive as possible. I try to shrug off the sick feeling in my stomach and attempt to be happy and full of energy!
 Then I log on to facebook and see a ton of baby showers, baby announcements, birth pictures and teary eyed new parents. Don't get me wrong I am not a sour person... I don't wish any bad on anyone for being pregnant and having babies naturally.. I love seeing pictures of people and their children. I am happy for everyone! I want to hold them, spoil them and celebrate with them! It just makes me sit back, realize what I don't have and what I wish for everyday... it makes me second guess who I am and why I have to be denied the one thing I have always wanted... to be a mother. I want to have a complete family... create one I never had. I love my husband and my step daughter with all my heart but I have a void in my heart that isn't being filled and its hard on me sometimes. Sometimes as hard as I try to stay strong and positive I have a bad day... a weak moment.
 I just need to get myself out of this... realize how lucky I am to have what I do... I need to take the progress I have and look forward to next month and what it has in store for me! Audios friends, and thanks for listening!

First positive OPK and first period on my own!

Hey! I haven't written anything because nothing has really happened. The first cycle of clomid 50 mg was a fail so on the second... my hopes weren't high. I was really holding out for clomid cycle 3 because my doc is upping the dose to 100mg. But around June 4th I started feeling cramps around my ovaries and I took an OPK. It was the darkest I had ever seen!! I was excited but wasn't too hopeful. I took another one the next day and it was dark but not as dark. So, I just forgot about it. But yesterday June 21st I got my period on my own! The first time in over 10 years! I usually have to induce my period with birth control or provera. What does it mean? I am hoping it means I ovulated on my own and my OPK was indeed a positive. It has been 16 days since that positive OPK and according to what I've read it takes 16 days to either find out I am pregnant or start my period. I am very hopeful next month we will have some more progress! I am not sad we aren't pregnant yet. I am happy my body did what it was suppose to for once! See ya next time!


-Jess