feelings entry

feeling pretty down today...still no period...but feeling like my big fat positive pregnancy test wont show up this month. i have been having dreams of having our sweet child here with us and it filled my heart with joy but it isnt true when i wake up the next morning and it makes me sad. i really am trying to keep my spirits up and be positive

CD 28 8dpo

So far, no bleeding. Keep your fingers crossed  we made it this month!!! I do have to admit I have had some AF symptoms. Lower back pain, cramps, and bloating. Will keep you updated

Expecting my period tomorrow

This week has been hard. I don't know if I am pregnant or not and the dreaded wait has made me sick with anticipation. My body says I am pregnant but I am not sure if its all in my head. I started to feel cramps about 3 dpo and heard that it could be the hormone change and the start of implantation and I started to feel physically sick yesterday 6 dpo   which I also read is possible but not likely. therefore, in my mind I am thinking... I am just hopeful and it's giving me false signs.


Today is 7/17/14 AKA CD 27 and AKA 7 days past ovulation (DPO) and today I have been feeling to signs of my menstrual cycle.  I took a test yesterday because I talked myself into it knowing it would come up negative whether or not I was prego. 7dpo is too soon to test. But I did it anyway. And yes, it came back negative. So I don't plan on taking another test until  12dpo (maybe 10dpo). I don't want to be one of those girls who takes pregnancy tests every morning and whose heart gets crushed each time it comes back negative (even if its too soon to test it still hurts to see a negative result).

So, tomorrow is CD 28 which normally with my provera pill I have a normal 28 day cycle. I am not looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning and seeing that dreaded aunt flow! Fingers crossed, I miss this cycle and on 12dpo 7/22/14 a pregnancy test comes back positive!

I will update you tomorrow!

7/10/14 Cycle day 21 Ovulation BFP

BIG FAT POSITIVE! For ovulation that is. But I am super excited. I am hoping our timing is correct and this is the month we succeed! I have been having ovulation pains and according to the test instructions I should ovulate within 12-24 hrs or so. Keep your fingers and toes crossed that we are in this month for good news! Hope is in the air!

                                   Below are the tests I took for 7/8/14, 7/9 and 7/10/14.

An ovulation test is positive if the test line is as dark as the control line. As you can see the two days prior to today were close but not there... yet. Todays test is obviously a positive!

baby dreams, baby posts and pictures all over the place!

Babies, babies everywhere!
 That's what I am dealing with lately. Although I try to keep my mind off babies to help me stay focused and not heart broken... it's hard.
 At night I have dreams of positive pregnancy tests, giving birth and naming babies. I wake up with a smile on my face and then after realizing it was a dream the feeling of disappointment rushes over my entire body. I get up every morning and try to take on the day as positive as possible. I try to shrug off the sick feeling in my stomach and attempt to be happy and full of energy!
 Then I log on to facebook and see a ton of baby showers, baby announcements, birth pictures and teary eyed new parents. Don't get me wrong I am not a sour person... I don't wish any bad on anyone for being pregnant and having babies naturally.. I love seeing pictures of people and their children. I am happy for everyone! I want to hold them, spoil them and celebrate with them! It just makes me sit back, realize what I don't have and what I wish for everyday... it makes me second guess who I am and why I have to be denied the one thing I have always wanted... to be a mother. I want to have a complete family... create one I never had. I love my husband and my step daughter with all my heart but I have a void in my heart that isn't being filled and its hard on me sometimes. Sometimes as hard as I try to stay strong and positive I have a bad day... a weak moment.
 I just need to get myself out of this... realize how lucky I am to have what I do... I need to take the progress I have and look forward to next month and what it has in store for me! Audios friends, and thanks for listening!

First positive OPK and first period on my own!

Hey! I haven't written anything because nothing has really happened. The first cycle of clomid 50 mg was a fail so on the second... my hopes weren't high. I was really holding out for clomid cycle 3 because my doc is upping the dose to 100mg. But around June 4th I started feeling cramps around my ovaries and I took an OPK. It was the darkest I had ever seen!! I was excited but wasn't too hopeful. I took another one the next day and it was dark but not as dark. So, I just forgot about it. But yesterday June 21st I got my period on my own! The first time in over 10 years! I usually have to induce my period with birth control or provera. What does it mean? I am hoping it means I ovulated on my own and my OPK was indeed a positive. It has been 16 days since that positive OPK and according to what I've read it takes 16 days to either find out I am pregnant or start my period. I am very hopeful next month we will have some more progress! I am not sad we aren't pregnant yet. I am happy my body did what it was suppose to for once! See ya next time!


-Jess

CD- 29

5/6/14
Doctor B told me that if by CD 28 I haven't started my period to take a pregnancy test. If that test is negative I need to start Provera again for 5 days. So here I am on CD 29 and I will start provera. It saddens me that cycle 1 of Clomid (50mg) failed but I am hopeful for the next 5 cycles! I am calling Doctor B tomorrow to see if they will raise my prescription to 100 mg instead of another cycle of 50. I think that would just be another wasted cycle! Trying to stay positive.